mt headed thing: Dear Eric Hosmer, KC Royal And Compulsive Hair-Abuser

Dear Eric Hosmer, KC Royal and compulsive hair-abuser. Speaking as a man who no longer has hair, I find it rather appalling what you do to your hair. I used to do silly ill-advised things to my hair and then God saw fit to smote my hair. I'm not saying that's what's going to happen to your hair. I'm only saying if God does decide to smote it, I won't be surprised. I'm not mad at you. As a former hair-abuser I understand the impulse to express yourself through hair-abuse, which includes the inclination to cut your own hair, or have your hair styled in such a way that it looks like you cut your own hair. You must be strong. I'm talking 50-homeruns-in-a-season strong, and try to fight the urge to abuse your hair. Think about going to the barber and maybe picking one of the suggested haircut styles pictured on the wall. Sure, they're not very excited. But you need to take baby steps. Eventually, you'll be able to pick something a little more daring. However, before you do this, I would implore you to enlist a few friends, think of them as sponsors, to join you at the barber, just to make sure you don't relapse into hair-abuse. I'm rooting for you. I believe, through hard work and perseverance, you can learn to let go of the hair clippers and turn your life (and your hair) around. And maybe, just maybe, God won't have to smote your hair after all. Sincerely, MT Danielson, silly writer and former hair-abuser.