mt headed things: How To Out-Christian Someone

Everybody knows if you go to church every Sunday, you will go to heaven. And if your services last longer than someone else's services you are obviously more Christian than them. And if your church has more services, ie. a Sunday night service, while somebody else goes to a church that doesn't have a Sunday night service, you are obviously more Christian than them. Another barometer to measure your Christian-ness, is if you stand up during the song service. Some churches expect you to stand for the entire song service, sometimes for over a half-hour to an hour! If you are able to stand throughout the entire song service, without your legs giving out, you are obviously more Christian. If you don't stand, or are unable to stand, well, you're probably just a puny Christian or not a Christian at all. It's for these reasons I've decided to stay at church. I'm not even gonna bother going home. I wanna be more Christian. And obviously if I'm always at the church, I will be the best Christian. I will eat, drink, sleep and everything at church. And just to prove how Christian I am, I'm gonna be standing the entire time. This way nobody can ever again question how Christian I am. Amen


Ken Sweet said...

Preach it, brother Mike. In my Christian days I could stand, sit, and sing with the best of them. It was like I was in training for a Christ-A-Thon! Sit, stand, sing, sit, stand, eat the bread, drink the grape juice, say "hallelujah" and "amen", find some change, pass the collection bag, shake a bunch of hands, and all without using the toilet a single time! Of course, I had to give up my Christianing, because things were getting a little overly-un-Christian in Christendom, which made me begin the unpleasant process of thinking for myself. Next thing you know, I turned all agnostic and no longer have the slightest idea whether I believe in anything or not.

mtd said...

I believe in God, Christ, mainly because the alternative is unbearable. If nothing is out there, if there is no god, then there really isn't any rhyme or reason to anything. We really would just be dust in the wind. And that kinda sucks. I like life to have meaning. I want there to be something behind all of this.

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