Elegy for Christina...

For Christina...

I hope you don't think this song is too cheesy.
And that goes two-fold for my sentimentality.
But Christina, had we been given the chance to get to know each other better,
You would have found out your cousin Michael is quite sentimental, if not, just plain mental.

The fact is, Christina, besides time and/or utter suppression,
There aren't too many things on this earth that ease my pain.
However, one thing would be music.
This Art Garfunkel song, in particular, helps me from time to time.

Christina, our time together was so intermittent.
Don’t you think?
We saw each other every several years or so,
And when you got older, with even less fanfare.
You were always in constant motion, and me with my constant wanderings, wasn’t much better,
And only now, sadly, we come to a rest.

And I feel cheated.
Because, Christina, I fully intended to get to know you better…Someday,
Back when time was infinite.
And we spent it like there was no tomorrow.
When we should have been more frugal.
In light of this blackest of black Fridays,
It seems even more glaring,
Time above all else, except for love, is most precious!

Christina? Were we cheated or were we outplayed?
We play a chess game with God, only we can’t see His pieces.
We never know when or where to go.
So we just go.
In the mean time, He’s laughing His head off, cuz to Him, it looks like we’re playing like damned fools!
Because we are, it turns out.
For instance, had I seen the pieces, do you think I would have played the game like I did, having passed up our time together?
Never!
Have no doubt. I love God. And so do you, I know.
But He can play a mean game of chess.
And yet, having said that, I’m not about to forfeit.

Christina, do you remember the day I brought you to the Baptist Church on Norton Road?
This was when you were little and you lived with your Grandma and Grandpa.
I remember you were like one of my mother’s dolls, in your white dress Aunt Linda dressed you in so meticulously.
I remember you didn’t much care for Sunday school.
And the sermon didn’t sit quite right with you.
Neither did your darling little dress.
In fact, the only part you seemed to like was riding in my car.
That is, as long as you were given free rein to press every button and turn every knob you could get your hands on.
Yeah, you were quite a handful.
For one of the few times in my life, I was in a position of authority. Kinda.
A position I quickly and gladly relinquished when I brought you back to your grandparents’ capable arms and went on my merry bachelor way.

From now on, Christina,
Whether you think this song is cheesy or not,
Whenever I hear it,
I will have no choice but to think of you.
I mean, is that so horrible?
To be remembered?
The matter was never in doubt.
You will always be remembered.

I will always remember your bright eyes,
Ever searching for the happiness,
In life, eluded you,
But now, I pray, you have finally found,
Abound.

From shock,
To disbelief,
To sadness,
To more sadness,
To reluctant acceptance,
Arriving finally at love, always,
Michael